Dear Future...

Dear Future,

I know you're right around the corner
But I just can't wait to tell you how I feel
I know you're the one that I've been waiting for
Just haven't yet appeared to capture my heart to steal
I do know that you're the one I've been praying for
And I don't mean for my own selfish needs
But I've been praying for so much more
Trust me, the magnitude you wouldn't believe
Constantly praying for your pure heart
Praying for your commitment to a marriage's infinity
So that our souls will never have the desire to part
And that you will forever have eyes for only me
Praying for your persistency
And that you'll pursue me all on your own
And that your strength is easily proven with consistency
That we have in common long walks, laughs and talking on the phone
Constantly praying for my strength too
Praying for my strong will to be submissive
And that I can be the most supportive person to you
And learn to not allow my attitude to be dismissive
You have no idea how much I love you already
I had in my mind what I would never do
But I'd readily carry and birth your baby
Because you'll be my equal and I'd do anything for you
You'll never hurt me like I've been hurt before
All of those bad memories will be long forgotten
I can't wait to see, for us, what God has in store
You'll already and finally be a dream...when we happen...

Love,

Your Future

Freestyle Hurt...

I was fooled by you
Yes, I played the fool
To think that you could play by the rules
And that everything that you said to me was truth
Now I'm looking back like
Who the hell are you?
That's not what you were supposed to do
I thought you loved me too

Ha! But that's probably what I get
Nothing that we had was legit
I can't even believe anything that you've said
But after all of the things that I did
This is how you thank me?
Maybe you really ain't shit
And no matter how much I love you
This moment right here I won't forget

Man, I thought you were my friend
Or was it all just for pretend?
I can't go down this road again
After all of the time we've spent
I opened up myself to you
Thought my heart was on the mend
Only for you to beat it up with a wrench
And I'm left bleeding in the end

Damn I have some choice words
But I don't even know if they are of your worth
Remember you invited me on your turf
That shit is for the birds
Because you set me up
How you gonna treat me like dirt
Off of my back, I'd give you my shirt
I only hope you experience this hurt

But you're going to look up one day
And you're going to wonder why you did me that way
When you're all alone and don't have the words to say
Not even have my head on your chest to lay
Because I'll be long gone
I hope you feel that soon one day
You'll realize how good I was to you
And know that nothing will ever be the same...

**You can give somebody the world, but if they don't choose to reciprocate those feelings, the truth is, you're still in it alone...  Don't sit around and be the fool for somebody that is not willing to be to you what you are to them...**

Nothing More...

The day we met
I knew there was something special about you
And I promise my heart has tried to avoid the danger
I've seriously thought it through and through
But we've developed this bond
That's just not easily broken
When you look at me and smile
I can read the words in your head, unspoken
And maybe they should remain that way
Some things are better left unsaid
Maybe some things we just shouldn't say
And lead it to the imagination instead
But I'm so tired of dreaming
I just want to be your everything
To have your golden brown skin forever by my side
Would simply be amazing
But maybe I'm just fooling myself
A part of my heart knows we'll never be
Your life is just way too complicated
Too hard to just leave it behind and come to me
I realize that there are just some things that I can't ask you to do
But you've stolen a part of my heart
And I can't fathom separating myself
And being apart
Maybe this is all a fantasy
I just refuse to beg these things of you
I'll always love you my friend
Even though at the end, I know I won't be who you choose
You've brought me so much joy
And have put so much excitement back into my life
And we will forever be just friends
Because anything more would be a crime
I'm in love with living on the dangerous side of you
So much that my hearts gets sore
And even though I love you beyond words
We will never be anything more...

This Is My Story...

Some of the things I'm about to say
Many of you won't want to hear
Even thinking about it after the passed time
Still brings my eyes to tears
Beyond my greatest pains and sorrows
Still lies my greatest fears
Just the simple thought of seeing his face
And just coming near
But this is my awful story
No matter how happy I may appear

The touch of his hand
Which grazed my face
I know from a husband, it seems endearing
But there was no such thing in that place
A blow so hard to the head
That I lost all sense of space
But I would play nice and bring honor to him
Just to keep him from looking like a disgrace
This is my story
Even though I never left a trace

It's crazy because I loved him incredibly
More than anybody I've loved at any time
And yet this husband of mine couldn't resist infidelity
Ha! He did it so much, it should've been a crime
There were many nights of restlessness
Because emotionally, I was nowhere near fine
And then a sweet baby boy came
A sweet baby boy that belonged to him, but wasn't mine
It would appear that our forever story
Was simply running out of time

Who would've ever thought that when I said, "I do."
That this would be the shame I'd bring upon my name
No matter the number of chances I gave him
Nothing would ever change
The evil eyes he gave me while pinning me in a corner
And realizing the man I once dearly loved, would never be the same
Experiencing nights that I'd rather be dead and gone
Than to ever lie in bed amongst the lame
Yes, this is my story
Which once caused me so much pain

But thank God the story doesn't stop there
Places of beginnings are where oldies end
I finally realized the meanings of low valleys
And what the highs of the mountain tops meant
God placed me around so many people
But secured in my life a priceless friend
I was in a place where I was constantly losing
And yet surprisingly this sorrow was a win
This is the end of that painful story
But thank God it's not where my story ends...

Undeserving & Overcome

Thought I knew everything about life
And then you came along
I realize now, I had no idea what I was doing
And I was getting it all wrong
Through my moments of silence with you
And praising you with sweet songs
Every time I encounter you
It's evident that you were what was missing all along

There are so many things that my flesh desires
Things that I know I can no longer keep
All of the horrible things that I've sown
I'm so thankful that you don't allow me to also reap
And knowing that I constantly tread in muddy waters
You come right behind me and wipe my feet clean
Oh your presence in my life
Is beyond all of the things I once considered to be so sweet

There's nobody else in my life who has meant so much
I'm dumbfounded daily to know that you chose me!
I'm nothing but a wretch and evil in my flesh
Yet you look beyond that and choose me!
I know exactly what you came here for
And yet at every opportunity, I nail you to a tree
I'm nothing! And I beg you to let me go
And you wipe my tears away and whisper that I'm worth the keep

Your touch is unexplainable...it's so rich
It's something in which I can never afford
And you love me more and more daily
Even on the days I pierce your side with a sword
I'm so unaware of what you see in me
And yet with every tear, to you I take a step toward
I'm guilty! I'm not worthy! I'm nothing!
But every single time, I'm overcome by your presence Lord!!!

     With all that I am, I thank You!