So what!

So what if he left!
So what if he once cared!
So what if he provided it all!
If his heart and his body
Was sinfully shared.

So what if he was once so gentle!
So what if the past memories were the best!
So what if it was all so perfect back then!
If he's really not in it anymore
And you keep losing rest.

Baby you're beautiful!
And you better know that's true
His once every other night mistakes
Don't define you!
You've put up with so much
And I know right now it hurts like hell
But you can't keep torturing yourself
While your heart spends eternity in jail
You're so much better than that
Better than the constant slaps in the face
It's time to give up that toxic relationship
And walk into life with complete grace.

Just think about all of the pain and hurt
Everything that you've been through
He was a coward for how he treated you
Baby girl, aren't you through?!
For the times that he pushed you in the corner
For the time he clipped you on your nose
Or the time he put you out of the house
And your toes were frozen cold...
For every time he gave another 'the eye'
And then acted upon it with his hand on her bosom
Honey, don't be fooled by his kindness now
Here, there's no confusion.

But let's forget about him for a minute
Let's pretend he doesn't even exist
Without him would you not feel freedom
Instead of those marks on your wrists?
Baby, who are you?
Really, who are you on the inside?
A girl who sits in a puddle of guilt
Or a woman who walks with pride?
Yes, the road ahead is going to be hard
There's a solid rocky road ahead
But each and every day gets a little easier
Once you dismiss all that he's put in your head.

For once you have to put yourself first
Give your soul what it craves and wants
People will say what they want, but as long as you're safe
So what!

To Know You.

I don't even know you
But I feel like I've known you my whole life
Your very being intrigues me
Your mere breathing simply defines
Everything I've ever wanted
Your soul, so pure and clean
A heart of gold that's filled with insight
Why've you waited so long to come here
And breakthrough my world just right?
The blooming sunflower in my frozen forest
There used to be pure darkness
But the tunnel is becoming so much clearer
There's a light shining over me
As you take leaps and bounds to come nearer
And I'm beginning to feel found again...

It feels so good and has me questioning...
Like, where have you been all my life?
Like when I was experiencing so much strife?
Why did I have to go through so much pain back then?
Just to experience your greatness?
Why do you see exactly what I see in myself?
Beauty, gorgeousness, intelligence, strength and health?
How did you quickly go from a distant stranger?
To being my hero and soldier?
I mean, is this all so very real?
Or is it just another trick to see how long it will take me to heal?
On a positive note, you're so perfect and how can that be?
And out of all of my beautiful sisters, why did you choose me?

I'm sure to every question, you have an answer...
And there's so much for us to discover
I'm anticipating every moment to be in your presence
And sit on the edge of my seat to listen to every single word.

You've Changed

You changed on me quickly
Moved on from me swiftly
Just days ago inseparable
And suddenly you quit me
I never thought you'd hurt me
I swear I feel dirty
You tricked me into falling for you
Only to desert me
Even though you're still around
It's so hard for me now
To look at you the same
I try to smile, but inside I frown
Because everything was so good
From where we both stood
One day just changed everything
And I never thought it could
You were all about me
Everything you did made me happy
Wanting to see me everyday
And doing everything to please me
But now something just ain't right
Your communication isn't tight
We laid for hours effortlessly together
And now I lose sleep at night
Things just seem so strange
Scattered like loose change
You're just so different now
Man, why did you have to change?

Greatest Love of Mine...

Life is too short
Not to have it all
But sometimes it's a simple solution
Stop asking too small:

If I could have it all
To me, it would be a simple plan
Nothing too extravagant
Just simply wrapped up in a man.
He doesn't have to be Denzel
But his complexion and a nice smile wouldn't hurt
All of the following I wouldn't have to tell
Because he would shower me by knowing my worth.
Present me with sunflowers on a rainy day
Have the candles lit in the bathroom when I get home
Remind me how much he adores me are some things he'd say
And always make sure I never feel alone.
He'd always hold my hand tight in public
And give me gentle kisses on my forehead in private
Make me feel like the most important person to him would do it
Yeah, that would always do the trick.
He'd strive hard to deliver me the world
And maybe a couple of babies along the way
Maybe not always diamonds and pearls
But sacrifice eight hours of work, just so we could have a day.
He'd know exactly what to do to help me relax
Treat me like his one and only queen
He'd know how to gently set me straight when I don't have all of the facts
And I'd submissively listen because he's my king.
He'd continue to date me, even when we're old and gray
And would forever treat me as his most prized possession
And we'd have all amazing days
Until the day one of us are called to heaven.

But even on that painful day, one thing would remain true
We would've experienced the greatest love of all time
Our hearts and our souls would be at capacity, in how we grew
From him being the best and the greatest love of mine...

Her...

It's been a good ride
It's been a lot of fun
Now I have tears filling my eyes
At the thought that we may be done
Sweet kisses on my lips
Close cuddles with you
Dancing with your hands on my hips
And a million moments of laughter too...

But I can't give you my heart
If you won't give your heart to me
To fall in love with a man
When that man doesn't love me
Yeah, that's just crazy...

I don't want to be a fool
And I don't want to go insane
But you made me fall for you
And yet things may never be the same
Because all I can think about now is her
And knowing that's where you'd rather be
But she must be some incredible girl
For you to overlook me...

And I wanted you to have my heart
And yet you keep your heart from me
I've fallen so hard for you
And you don't even love me
All of it is just saddening...

Every part of me wants to try
Try to move on from this
But I know my soul would internally cry
With every gentle kiss
Because I'll never know if it's me you're thinking of
Or the girl from your past
And I'll always doubt that I'm earning your love
Or if the moment of the present will be our last...

And it's so hard because you have my heart
But you never gave your heart to me
Because as I was falling for you
You never loved me
Now what was such a beautiful beginning
Is becoming my most painful ending...

So Into You...

I'm so into you
You have no idea
The things that keep running through
My pretty little head sitting here
Got me dreaming again
Never thought I'd live again
Couldn't even imagine myself winning
Until the night I saw you...

I tell you that you're the best
You laugh, but I mean every word
The way you look at me
Doesn't make my day, it's making my world

Your smile completely brightens my day
And your laugh is so contagious
My face blushes with every word you say
This explosive feeling is outrageous

You constantly make me feel beautiful
And never put a doubt in my mind
You boost my confidence and make my life so full
Even encourage me and my grind

But your gentle kisses on my skin
Flutter butterflies like I'm sixteen again
Who knew kisses could be so intense?
And I never want them to end!

I can go on and on about how you make me happy
And all of the amazing things you do
It's all of these things that make you amazing
And why I'm so into you...

I'm so into you
Maybe you have a little bit of a clue
Because I run through your mind too
As I'm sitting here
Daydreaming about you again
So ecstatic that I'm alive again
Can't imagine anything other than winning
Now that I know you...

Insecure Heart Rush...

What can he possibly see in me?

He says I'm so beautiful

But I feel so ugly

He clearly doesn't see what I see

This has to be but only a dream

Because I've been hurt before

Tarnished and burned

I said the last lesson of love

Was enough lessons learned

Because I keep ending up on the wrong side of the tracks

It was charming looking forward

But deception looking back

I'm mean and can be rude

He says those are lies

Says I'm witty and funny

Baby, that's just a disguise

To hide all of my insecurities

Not for a second can I lie

I fell madly in love with a man

And when we married, our love died

But when I look at you

I'm ready to fall

But I'm so scared that you'll hurt me

And we'll be nothing at all

Is this the curse and the lie

The enemy wants me to believe?

That I' such damaged goods

So much nobody will love me?

It's foolishness, I know

To believe it all

But it doesn't cease the nervousness

When I feel my heart fall

There's nothing more that I want

Than to be wrapped up in your arms

Fall asleep to your heartbeat

And never sound the alarm...