My Help

Deal with me, Lord
Lord, deal with me now
I know I've done wrong
And got off the track somehow
Heart shattered into pieces
Because of how I've wronged You
And because I've disrespected myself
That hurts so badly too!
I need forgiveness Father
Can't believe I did this to us
For a good time of love
And sinful lust
I disregarded Your guidance
And all that You've done
You show me so much love
And yet I showed You none
I'm so disappointed
Can't help but be ashamed
Because I took my own path
And have only myself to blame
Wow, I can't believe it was that easy
To allow Satan to sneak in
He had me for a minute
But I'm putting that to an end
I need You, Father
Like never before
I opened it up
But Daddy, please shut the door
Deal with me and my sin
Create purpose for me
Shield me from my sinful nature
So from You, I won't flee
Be my partner forever
Never leave my side
Constantly whisper in my ear
So in You, I will abide
Lord, I messed up
And that was easy, console my heart
Give me wisdom and guide me
So we'll never be apart
I was hurtful and careless
I'm sorry for what I've done
I'm disappointed and angry
Like I'm the only one
Father, I know I messed up
But I'm repenting right here
Just tell me You love me
And that You'll forever be near
Deal with me Lord
I'm begging on my knees
I can't do this anymore, Lord
Help me Jesus...please...

Heartbreak Hotel

Heartbreak hotel
Is this what it feels like?
With a smile on my face
But hurting on the inside
I have nobody else to blame
Except for myself
For doing inappropriate things
That are bad for my health
But I couldn't help it, you were there
And I was attracted to you
You captured my heart
By the things you would do
I wanted you for me
As selfish as it seems
But we all have desires
Hopes, wishes, thoughts and dreams
But mine are sailing away
Right before my very eyes
But with the things that we did
Should I really be surprised?
Daddy always taught me
There'd be days like this
But I never imagined heartache
On top of free flowing bliss
I did this to myself
Because I gave it away
But it was so good at the time
Yes, was all I could say
And now my flesh burns for more
As my heart is on the floor
Crushed and bleeding overwhelmingly
In worse shape than before
But I know I knew better
I had learned the lesson
That you can't do dirty things
Then try to count your blessin'
Man, why this? Why now?
How could I do this to me?
Living dangerously in love
Or just living dangerously
I got caught up into this
I got caught up into you
I got caught up in love
And now there's nothing I can do
And I feel like a fool
Because you said no
I'm crying a bucket of tears
And my feelings are broke
Feeling just like a joke
Feeling trapped in a prison cell
It's the worst feeling in the world
Living in heartbreak hotel...

The Battle

Why this battle?
Why right now?
I want to fight it
But I just don't know how
My body is weak
My heart is worn
I'm just so tired
What am I fighting for?
It happened so quickly
It came out of nowhere
I call on Your name
But You don't seem to be there
My heart just sank
When the doctor gave me the news
I prayed and I prayed
That this wasn't really true
But I couldn't fight fate
Or that lump in my breast
In that instant, it felt like a bullet
Spearing through my chest
I did everything right
At least, it seemed
Ate right, exercised, smoke free
I was living the dream
I was on top of my game
I was on top of the world
But this battle right here
Has turned me into a helpless little girl
I'm so outraged!
I just want to scream!
I can't win this fight
I just don't have it in me
Chemo, radiation
I can't deal with the pain
Who cares if I lose this life?
When, another life I'll gain
I'm sitting in this dark room
Making my choice
Been praying for hours
And then I hear His voice...
He said, "What are you doing?
Don't you trust me?
Did I not give you this life?
Am I not He?
I would not put more on you
Than you could ever bare
So stop sobbing like that
And get up from there.
Believe in yourself
And believe in me
And believe I have given you
All the strength you need.
And if you end up with me in heaven
The battle is not in vain
Did I not endure pain too?
Just for your name?
I died on the cross
Just so you could live to fight
Fight through anything and keep me first
And you will be alright
So go be an inspiration
And proclaim my name
And know sooner or later
We will see each other again."
And just like that He was gone
And I was left feeling brave
Before I was down on my luck
But I knew now how to behave
Months later, it got worse
And my body couldn't bare
The pain in my breast
From the cancer that was there
Weeks later, I lost that battle
But I had no fear
Because those painful four months
My Jesus was near
And I'm eternally with Him
So don't cry for me
I'm enjoying my new life
So be happy for me
Remember, you may lose the battle
But you can win the war
If you proclaim His name
And know what you're fighting for.

Confused love...

I should've looked closer
Many years ago
I should've tried to get to know you
But I just didn't know
That you had a thing for me
Why didn't you say so?
If you would've just stepped to me
I wouldn't be writing this note

So, I guess I have you to thank
For my inspiration
Being in your presence
Builds on all of this anticipation
To know what it's like
When we kiss....the sensation
The way you flirt with me
You should get a standing ovation

Speaking of flirtation
I love the way you touch me
The way you look into my eyes
Like you're so endearing
The way you invite me to lay with you
As you open a book and read to me
The way you hug me and kiss me
Like I'm your everything

It's so incredible
Because I've loved before
At least I thought I had
Until you walked through the door
In comparison to others
You're far from a bore
And you always leave me
Wanting, craving and anticipating more

My heart has been shocked
And brought back to life
I'd love to be with you
Just not quite yet husband and wife
Although you'll make a great husband
On the day your knot's tied
And I'll be an amazing wife again
When the timing is right

But what I'd like to do
Is love you right here
I'll call you "my honey"
And you'll call me "my dear"
To touch you whenever I want
Whenever you're near
To define what this is
And make it very clear

But truth be told
I would love whatever
Even if it's just friends
Yet, we walk and hold hands together
To just hang out with you
And do whatever
Or just cuddle with you
Throughout the stormy weather

That's how bad I've got it
I got it bad for you
I know what I want
But don't want to force you to choose
I do want to win
But I definitely don't want to lose
God, help me, if You will
I'm so confused

I don't know what to do....

Forgive & Forget

Forgiveness is not easy
But I had to let it go
After all of our years together
I couldn't help but let my anger show
After blaming you
I thought something was wrong with me
But after countless times of you cheating
I just realized we weren't meant to be
How could you do this to us?
Why would you end it like this?
I took you back, what? Three times?
And you decide to do this?
I gave everything to you
My heart, mind, body and soul
Thought you had everything you wanted
But you still couldn't keep control
I gave you chance after chance
Even after the baby
But you took advantage of my heart
Damn, I must've been crazy
I was committed no matter what
Tried to be a sacred wife
But in the end I fooled myself
Thinking I was your's for life
What a shame it is
When a woman loves so deep
And a man has no conscious
And yet his sow is far less than what he reaps
It just doesn't seem fair
That you could do whatever
When I worked my ass off to take care of you
But was left to pull myself together
But like I said, I forgave you
From the very beginning of where we began
And trust me when I say
This won't ever happen again.

Messed Up

I think about you constantly
And it's beginning to hit me
This is so unexpected
But you came when you were most needed
As much as I tried to resist
I just couldn't do it
And as much as I want to love you
It's so hard to do it
I have a hard time trusting
This is obviously true
But with you, I have no problem lusting
What is a girl to do?
I want to hold your hand in front of crowds
So believe me, it's not just sexual
Though I want to be with you and scream your name out loud
And make that the usual
I want to tell you all of my secrets
But my heart is so scared
Can I give you all of me without regrets?
I did that once and it left me bare
Something tells me you're a special one for me
But you never know
I want to be with you badly, you wouldn't believe
But I'm so afraid to move forward and go
I've created all of these rules so I won't be dating
But I just don't feel that way with you
You make me want to stop all of my gaming
And just move into the serious lane with you
This is so messed up
Damn, I thought me and love were done
But then you came around
And now you got me far gone...

It's Not Easy, But Be Mine...

I never thought this would happen
No, not again
This is way more than I imagined
I'm happy, but I'm scared
Because the last man I loved
Took my heart and disappeared
I gave him every piece of me
And yet, he scarred me
And didn't care.

This is all that I have hoped for
Your heart, your mind, your passions
To tell the truth, it's so much more
Your eyes, and the way you look at me...I feel so secure
And you don't care how much I touch you
Which makes me want to touch you more
I think of you so much, in my thoughts, desires and dreams
But my flesh tries to trick my mind
To question, why you would ever love me.

Not that I don't think I'm fly...I think I'm fly as hell
My body, my heart, my smile
You'd be a fool if you couldn't tell
And yet, I fool myself into thinking
You'd never consider me
And if a beauty walked by, you'd pick up your things and leave
Yes, I know I'm hurting myself, but I just can't help it
You offer me your love
But I'm hesitant to accept it.

I'm working on this thing
Because I'm so into you
Not sure what this is, but it's more than a fling
I want you so badly, in my heart and my soul
I want to lay on you and be with you
And for you to warm me when I'm cold
I want to date you and grow old with you, but yet I'm so confused
Because I have all these conflicts and convictions
But I know what I want to do.

My prayer is that I'll get over this hump
And express myself fully and gracefully
To take steps forward, and into your arms I'd jump
Because I like you and I'm so attracted to you
My heart begins racing and I can't stop smiling
Whenever I'm even close to you
If nothing else, I want you around....and around for a very long time
Maybe wake up with you and grow a family with you
If only you were mine...

Feelings on the Table

Whoa! What can I say?
You blow my mind
The way you challenge me
Makes me want to go back in time
And take another look at you
With just a blink of an eye
I would give anything back then
Just to make you mine...
Not because of what I knew back then
But because of what I know now
Because of the way you make me laugh
Because of the way you get down
Because of the way you look at me
That makes me pucker my lips and lift my brow
I'm glad I didn't know then, what I know now
Because it would've been hard to bring me back to the ground.
So now I have these feelings
And they feel so amazing
Though I really don't know how you feel
And that gets a little hazy
But I know my heart yearns for you
And when you're around me, it's racing
And it's only been a short while
Yes, these feelings are crazy.
I'm not really sure what to do
I know my feelings are real
With every touch of your hand
You help me to heal
You're such a beautiful person
This seems so surreal
I would know how to move
If I only knew how you feel.