I Have A Dream

I dream of you
I dream of you often
I dream of little dreams
And I don't want to stop them.

I have a dream
That's so painfully perfect
In a field of flowers
Walking hand in hand, nothing imperfect
The sun shining down
Blessing our sinful desires
The touch of your soft skin
Is all my body desires...

I have a dream
Of laying my head upon your chest
You hold me tight as I listen to your heartbeat
And in that moment, who cares about the rest
Soaking up every single minute with you
Lost in the touch of your warmth
Hoping to be stuck with you forever
And praying tonight for storms...

I have a dream
That I can look into your beautiful eyes for a lifetime
And that all of my dreams are wrapped up in you
We don't even have to keep track of time
There's nothing that can keep us apart
Every second is our forever
Our hopes, wants and things everlasting
Would be ours to share...

I have a dream
That this dream would never end
And when I woke up
It starts all over again
Because it's all for real
Although a fairytale it seems
To share the rest of my life with you
That's my only dream...

The Hard Let Down

I fell in love hard
And now I'm slipping away
To my dismay
Because I think of you night and day
And yet my heart is decaying
You've made me so afraid
Because every time I think you love me
You show me you feel another way.

I'm headed for a breakdown
Because you keep on butchering me
Just the moment I thought your love was free
My heart gets a chill from the fee
Oh, God, why is this happennig to me?
I truly thought you were my dream
But I never expected this from you
So, I guess this dream wasn't meant to be.

My lonely heart cries out for you
I just knew you were the one
Now I just look dumb
Because I can't even recall where you came from
Did you just come into my life for fun?
And now you're deciding to be done?
Wow, you've hurt me in the worst way
Completely stunned.

You said you never meant to hurt me
But I just don't believe that's true
Because this whole time you only chose you
Why did you do what you do?
Charming one minute and the next crude
You left my heart completely bruised
My only regret in the exchange
Is that I fell madly in love with you...

Crushed Love

Why do you build me up?
Only to let me down?
Why do you get my hopes up?
Just to disappoint me?
Why do you even care at all?

I thought you were all I needed
But now I'm not so sure
I spent time pleading
But I can't beg you anymore
If you can't honestly see.

I think you are so perfect
And I love you just the way you are
That I forgot that my heart needed protection
Burned once again
And I was the burned object.

I wish you could wrap your arms around me
And assure me everything will be alright
I'm at a loss for words and can't breathe
Things will never be alright
I guess this is how it has to be...

I Want More...

When I'm with you
I want more
Just to look into your eyes
And just adore
The way you look
When you think
Or the way your lips move
When you speak
The way you crack a smile
When you question what I'm thinking
Or that I know you're in deep thought
When your eyes get to blinking...

Yes, when I'm with you
I just want more
Time with you
Whether on the couch, the porch or the floor
None of that matters
When I'm in your presence
Because just touching your hand
Is the most special present
If we could touch all of the time
That would be amazing
Being with you is the best feeling in the world
I've never felt so free...

When we hang out together
I just want more
I cant get enough
And I don't even remember what it was like before
You teach me so much
Things I've never known
How to play chess, online marketing
I love to listen to you speak of it, though much of it I still don't know
Just to hear your passion
Makes me smile
And when we're riding together
I soak up every second and every mile...

When we cuddle together
I just want more
And it makes me dream about the future
And what just might be in store
I love when you rub my forehead
Or gently touch my nose
Or when you give the best hugs
I just want another dose
When we're together
You're just so passionate about me
And the way that makes me feel
Is the reason I never want to leave...

Oh but when you kiss me
I want nothing more
Ok, maybe I do want more
Before you close the door
Whether on the forehead or the cheek
They always make me feel like a beautiful lady
And they put me in a playful mood
If only you would let me
Most of all, you make me feel wanted
And probably has you questioning what to do with me
Follow your heart
And just be all about me...

Because you are who you are
I just want more
I'm all about the Benjamin
It rained with you, and I want it to pour
I'm so fascinated with you
And I just can't get enough
You're the first person in a long time
That I completely trust
You've totally changed my life
I wish you knew just how much
And I can't help but want more
Because it's you that I love...

I'm Sorry...

I don't know what I did
But I'm sorry
You don't know how much I cared
And I'm sorry
We were first friends
Then became lovers
Then you disappeared
Like you're undercover
But I think it's unfair
That you're mad at me now
You say I hurt you greatly
But you won't tell me how
I'm confused
Because I thought I was charming
I loved you
And now I'm saying that I'm sorry
I can only think of
A handful of things I did
But I don't think they're worth
You treating me like you did
If it was something that I said
Please get it out of your head
And tell me
So we can make up instead
Don't take it too serious
If it was something that I wrote
Free expression is just for fun
It's the one thing that I'm good at and know
If it was something that I promised
And that promise wasn't kept
Just let me know
So we can stop going left
I don't know what else to ask
This is new ground for me
Just know I loved you
And I wanted you definitely
but let's be real for a second
You said we were only just friends
And you wouldn't commit
Because you had other friends
I remember you said that to me
And that really freakin hurt
You said you cared
I felt you didn't see my worth
But I just kept going
And I understood completely
Because I was newly single
Trying to find me
But we are two different people
And feel different about things
You were the first I fell for
After I lost my rings
You crushed me bad, when you ignored me
And I really just can't believe
That you won't tell me
Why your heart is so grieved
What I thought was important
Was that we were friends
And we'd be honest with each other
No matter the circumstance
Well let me be honest
Once and for all
Please just listen
And don't stall
You were a great friend to me, although you hurt me in between
But I wouldn't let it come between me and you
But what's going on here, has me torn up into tears
Because I was catching feelings and loved you
I loved everything you did
Accept the fact you couldn't commit
Had even imagined in the future
You meeting my kids
But what saddens me so much
Is what you're keeping from me
You said I hurt you bad
But you won't even tell me
But you're always saying
That I can only be me
And if that's true
Then maybe I should just leave
Because if you can't tell me the truth
After feeling so bad
I just can't imagine
The kind of love we'd have
But for the record
I think it's unfair
For you to be so upset
But won't allow me to clear the air
But know that I really loved you
As much as life
And you hurt me badly too
Being cold as ice
But I'll say it, I'm sorry
Not just so I can have you back
But just because
I know I hurt you so bad
Sometime in your life
I hope you choose to forgive me
Because I admit
That I can only be me
BMH, I don't know what I did
But I'm sorry
And I'll continue to care
Even if you never accept my, "I'm sorry."

Bitter Sweet Bitter

It's bitter sweet bitter
It was from the start
You gave me some time
And I gave you my heart
Now I feel stranded
All by myself
Because I wanted you only
And you wanted everyone else
But I know now
What I also knew then
We should've never been together
We should've never began
But we did
And these are the repercussions
No phone call from you
And I have all these questions
Like why did you do this to me?
Why pretend to like all that you'd seen?
Why no call?  Why just fall off?
And how could you do this to me?

Bitter sweet bitter
We were friends from the start
Then become lovers
Which explains my broken heart
It was destined to end so badly
Because we did not do this God's way
But it doesn't make it feel better
There's still so much I want to say
But I don't have the strength
I don't have the words
It just hurts so bad
Is that my worth?
Because I loved you once
Never to love you again
Who needs enemies
If this is how you treat a friend?

Bitter sweet bitter
Yes, some of it is my fault
I was your's the second
I heard your voice call
My name, for your sake
I was in a bad place
But everything moved so quickly
And started to change
I was mad at myself
Now I'm disgusted with you
Because I gave you all of me
And you played me like a fool
I'm so done
Still confused
I still love you
But damn it, I'm through
Why right now?
Why right then?
I'm done asking these questions
I won't let you win!

Bitter sweet bitter
I'm so glad that you're gone
But I'm hurting right now
And I'm singing this song
Bitter sweet bitter
I learned a hard lesson
But it still hurts the same
But I gotta let go
I'm so tired of the games
Bitter sweet bitter
I thought we were friends
But you hurt me like this
I can't do this again
Bitter sweet bitter...
Bitter sweet bitter...

Celibate

What did I do?
Why did I do that?
I was looking for love
But I got nothing back
Feeling used
I'm not amused
And I'm hurt bad this time
I gave him everything
And he wasn't even mine
Maybe I was hoping
Maybe I was dreaming
While I was falling hard
He was just scheming...
But that's how it goes
When you give up the cookie
It's too early in the game
And he played you like a rookie
It's sad, but it's true
And it's happening to you
If you don't stop now
It's going to ruin you!

What was I thinking?
Why like that?
You didn't even work for it
And I gave it up, just like that
Feeling hurt
Feeling lost
But that's what they do
There's always a cost
To loving him
When he doesn't love you
Just let it go
Leave him alone
No matter how you try
He just isn't the one
Life goes on
You'll understand
If you leave boys alone
You'll find a real man!

Because love...no lust
Is just so full of it
When you don't know what you're doing
And you're playing with it
It can hurt, it can cheat
It can tear your life up
If you just let it be
Girl just quit
Don't give it up
Be ok with yourself
And remain celibate.

Don't Beg

Please don't look back now
Don't say you miss me
Don't call me beautiful
Just let me be
Don't do this again
I just want to be free
From you and all of the craziness
Remember, you told me to leave
To be apart is what you wanted
Or maybe now you're beginning to see
That you made a huge mistake
When you decided to leave our family...

Please don't contact me
And don't call me late nights
When you ruined our family
You gave up those rights
Just to think about all you put me through
All those unforgetful fights
I was in the dark then
But I finally turned on the lights
And got myself together
Convinced now that I wasn't your type
Because I was a stand up chick
And didn't fit into your street life

Please just stop where you are
Because, honestly, I don't love you anymore
I left our love that night
When I slammed the door
And I'm not going back on my word
That I wasn't coming back anymore
I experienced late nights alone
Crying to myself on the floor
Because the man I had given everything to
Hurt me to the core
And I'm on my way to discovering
All that this life has in store

And please don't get mad at my words
What did you really expect?
Did you just expect me to crawl back?
Even after the ultimate disrespect?
I loved you more than anybody
And you treated me like a reject
I came to terms that I wasted ten years
But I'm done with that project
I'm not trying to hurt or tear you down
I'm just trying to be direct
So, please just don't come at me like this again
And seriously, please don't beg.

I meant it when I said, "I'm done!"

No love lost...

Man, I miss you badly
And it's only you that I miss
I'm sitting in heavy traffic
And my mind reminisces on our first kiss
But I don't even recognize you these days
Because all I'm getting from you is dis-
Respect for being a friend to you first
And I can't even lie
The stuff really hurts
For you to not even recognize it
Is what makes the pain worse
We had some good times
But I know this is not what I deserve...

Man, I liked you badly
Even thought you might've been the one
But the vibes I'm getting from you
Feels like a one and done
As much as I tried to hang on
In a blink of an eye, the thrill was gone
And it just doesn't feel right
Because I know there's something there
But I refuse to keep torturing myself night after night
With the thought of those sweet times together
A huge part of me just wants to fight
For you, because you mean a lot to me
But right now you just seem out of sight...

Man, I had it for you badly
We just had so much fun
You were so sweet and made me laugh
Which is why I'm so stunned
I never thought it would be like this
But truthfully, I'd rather just stay gone
If this is what it's going to cost
My heart...she just can't play this game
As much as I try to act like a boss
I'm still a soft, emotional woman
And I just can't take being tossed
So, know that even though my heart is broken
There's no love lost...

Many Men

Man number one
I want to have fun
And spend some more time with you
You have a great smile
Can I stare at it a while
From here, it's an amazing view
You make me so happy
Every time you see me
I never want our moments to end
But when it's time for me to go
We say our good-byes real slow
And I wish we could start all over again...

I want you as my man...

Man number two
I don't know what to do
And I really can't grasp the words to say
You're funny to me
Make me feel like I'm sexy
And you're thinking of me night and day
And I can see us being together
Yet I don't know if we would last forever
There's just something strange about you
But I can see you with my family
And making me so happy
But damn, I've got trust issues...

But it's only with you...

Man number three
I know you're tired of me
Because I'm obsessing all of the time
Back in the day, we used to kick it
Whenever I called, you were with it
I just knew that you would be mine
When I went through stormy weather
You expressed you wanted to be together
And a baby came on the scene
I couldn't deal with it back then
And I promised I'd never do it again
I could never tell you the secret...that's safe with me...

With you, I can't even dream...

Man number four
If you came knocking at my door
I really wouldn't know who you were
Because I don't really even know you
Though I want to get to know you
If the opportunity were ever to occur
There is one thing interesting
And that's the age in between
There's a difference of 20 years between us
But you're so intriguing to me
And when you speak, you are so sweet
We're just friends and I don't know if I should rush

So I'll just keep it on the hush...

Back to man number uno
I had to come back so that you know
That you have a special place in my heart
I've always loved your personality
And you've always been attracted to me
It's so hard to tear these feelings apart
You understand that I've been damaged
"I love you," in sign language
And I don't want to let you go
But I never know just how you feel
Is this fake or is it for real
I just need you to let me know...

But I don't want to hear, "no...."

So Lonely

I'm going through withdrawal
And yes, it's true
I don't know what you're thinking
But I know how I'm feeling
And for the record...I thought I loved you
But now I'm having second thoughts
When we're together we have a ball
But now I get the feeling you don't care at all
Through my eyes, it's how I see it
If you no longer care, then so be it
I take the blame...this is all my fault.

Because I gave you my heart too early
Thinking you were only interested in me
Fooled myself by thinking that this love was free
But now there's nobody here but me...
I'm so lonely.

I'm going through withdrawal
And it's not on purpose
Now my heart is left in so much pain
And I have nothing to show anything that I've gained
This makes me nervous
Because I put it all out there for you
You asked questions and I told you the truth
And I really ain't got nothin to prove
Except now I'm lying here, in a bucket of tears
And I'm tired of walking away from my fears
Damn, I love you!

I know I gave you my heart too early
Hoping you were only interested in me
Fooled myself into thinking that your love was free
But now I'm here with nobody but me
I'm so lonely.

How do I deal
With how I feel?
I've been here so many times before
But you just came
And stole my heart from me
I'm not ashamed
And I don't blame....you
Because I let this happen to me
But I know that I love you!
I care so much for you!
I'm begging you to rescue me!

Why did I give you my heart too early?
Thinking you were only interested in me
Fooled myself into thinking we would always be
But now you're not even here with me
I'm so lonely...