Heartbroken

Man, where did you go?
Your absence from my life
Is stopping my heart's flow
And I knew something was wrong
When you lost your glow
I just thought you would make good on your promise
And never let go
I had gained hope of true love
But now, I'm just left with 'I don't knows'

I fell deeply in love with your heart
Although you seemed too good to be true
I completely embraced the spark
And even though there were red flags from your past
I chose to overlook that part
There were many women back then
But I believed I was your new start
You made all of these promises to me
Including that you would protect my heart

But you lied 
And you don't even act like you care
I would never let you know how much you made me cry
Not that I would ever have the chance
I just never imagined that you would be that guy
Who would shatter the dreams we dreamed together
Dreams of being the mother of your kids and being your wife
And as much as I hate you for it
All I desired was just more time

You made a fool out of me
It wasn't supposed to be like this
We were supposed to be a team
But you've hurt me more than anybody ever has
And it all seems like some horrible dream
I thought you were the love of my life
Or so it seemed
How can you go on like this
Knowing that you did this to me?

Just thinking of the days we spent
Memories make me fall in love
They make me fall in love all over again
You weren't just anybody
You had become my very best friend
But you played my heart
And it was severely bruised in the end
I never thought you'd leave me feeling this way
But you did....and I'm still heartbroken.

The Thoughts of A 'Gone' You

They can come so fast

But I feel so bad

Because I'm not interested in any of them

I just want to be loved by you

And the thought of that ceasing

Creates a pain and makes me sad

I feel like I've invested so much time

And on any day, I'd gladly rewind

To relive all of our moments again

Because you've been so amazing

And I think I've fallen for you

You're the love I never thought I'd find

All my friends say I just need to date

Plenty of men and don't wait

But it's so exhausting

And I just want to put time into you

You speak all of my love languages

And I never feel like my time is a waste

But I can feel that something is wrong

And it's got me feeling like I don't belong

Belong to you...

I'm hoping my mind is just playing tricks on me

Because I really just want you

And I'd hate to be crying over love songs

But you're not answering the phone

And it's got you looking cold as a stone

I can't go through this again

Abandonment would hurt me the worst

If I had to face starting over with someone new

I'd rather just be alone...all alone.

Unanswered Feeling

I don't know what's happening
I haven't heard from you in 2 days
And now my heart is racing
And I'm wondering if you're planning on leaving
My heart is hurting
Because my calls never go unanswered
But you haven't even sent me a text
And it's literally killing me.

Just 2 days ago, everything was great
Why does it feel like something has changed
All I can think about now is our good times
And our last amazing date
You call all times of the night
But this week, I've gotten nothing
And now the tears begin rolling
And I'm just hoping that you're alright.

I'm sitting here feeling crazy
Because I just don't understand
Don't you think about me when we're apart
Things are feeling so hazy
I just want to go back to Friday
When we spent time together into Saturday
That's when I knew you were perfect for me
All I want is to be back with you, baby.

Where are you?...I miss you!

All The Things I Love About You

Late night thoughts of you
Creep in my mind under a blue moon
Trying to remember what life was like
Before I even began to date you
I wasn't even expecting these feelings that grew
And I'm hoping you feel the same way too.

Everything about you excites me
Like the way you talk to me jokingly
Yet, when we're in a moment, you're so loving
The way your fingers fit between mine perfectly
The excitement sends my heart racing
And I don't want this feeling to ever leave.

You're the busiest man ever
And every time I say that, you come back with something clever
But I admire the fact that you love your career like a lover
Nothing to me is better
Than a man who has a plan and is a go-getter
I hope your ambition lasts forever.

But most of all, I love the way you look at me
And the way you smile, as if you love me
Just to spend time with you and just be
And the way you give me a hug right before you leave
But nothing is sexier
Than the way you lick your lips before you kiss me.

You're so amazing
And I can't wait to see where this leads
I want to be that girl that follows your lead
Anything just to be by your side
Would be the most incredible thing
You are the fresh air that I breathe...

My prayer is that you would never leave...never leave me...

You Can't Come Back

You played the disappearing game
I played the chasing game
And once I realized you were gone
I couldn't even stand to hear your name
For weeks you made me cry
And left me no explanation why
I wanted to make sense of it, but I couldn't if I tried
But I never thought you would've been that guy
You had me thinking you were the man for me
But, man, I was just deceived
It happened so fast, I couldn't believe
You just left me with my heart grieved
So I let it go
Although my heart kept saying no
I couldn't make sense of something I didn't know
So I had to let you go
Yes, my heart was in pain
And even though I could, I didn't want to explain
That this man who I thought I would've carried his last name
Made me feel like my loving him was in vain
But you were gone
And even though everything about it felt wrong
And I cried over every slow song
But I was convinced that you and me together didn't belong
But to hear from you today
Felt like a slap in the face
Why did you have to say the things you said?
My life was just getting back to a normal place
You can't come back and say that you love me
After all of the promises you didn't keep
If you really loved me
Why did you leave?
No, please...don't even answer that
The facts are just the facts
You loved me and then played the disappearing act
So, no, I love you, but you can't have me back.

Untitled

Jealous eyes
Jealous guys
How did we end up here?
You say you love me
You ask me to marry you
But your love is proven
From the black around my eyes
And my heart that pains
Pains from the hurt of your lies
Jealous eyes
Jealous guys
How did we end up here?

Damn, you think you know somebody
But the truth is, I didn't know you at all
The man I thought I fell in love with
Would've never left prints of my face on the wall
When I first met you, I fell in love with your hands
Because I thought they were hardworking in the workplace
But one slap here and a shove there
Showed that your hands just loved my face
This is crazy, because this just isn't like me
To be with somebody who is a nobody

You begged me to come back with promises of hope
Promises to love me forever
I wish I would've trusted my instincts
Because your love did nothing but put my life in danger
And one night, your jealousy turned to anger
And then you turned into a complete stranger
A lunatic I'd never seen any night before
And even the neighbors could hear your roar
And that night, your hands loved me to death
As I lay there unconscious and breathless on the floor
Jealous eyes
Jealous guys
How did we end up here?

Not you, but him

Everything about you is perfect
You have everything that I want in a man
And you're doing everything you can
To show me that you want to be my man
As much as I care about you
I just don't know that I can
You're so amazing babe
But I only see you as a friend
And to be honest, I have my eye on another man.

It's not you, and it's not me
But when I wasn't looking, he caught my eye
And it happened to be at a time that my life was dry
But one night with him and he brightened my life
And as good as you are to me
I just can't pretend to be in love with you
You're such a great friend to me
But it's also the main reason I'm telling you this
It's just not you, but it's this other guy

If you knew this guy, you'd understand
He brightens my day and makes me laugh
He respects me and treats me with class
And I can't wait for the day that our lips crash
Yes, I know you love and care for me
But it's just not the same
I just can't string you along
You'll always be in my life
And I refuse to do you like that

I'm sorry, I never meant to break your heart
But I just have to give this a try
I can just see a future with this guy
And after what I've been through, I refuse to live a lie
You must understand, right?
I just have to do this for me
You know I love you
I just love you in a different way than you love me
I just have to do this right this time...

Love Do-Over

I look back over the years
And when I dry the tears
I spend the time to ponder
Why I have all of these fears
Fears of loving again
Afraid of being hurt again
All of these thoughts
That go into wanting to love a man...

I want the happily ever after
But it's the same thing I'm scared to go after
But I'd kill for the smiles, tears and joy
And I crave the laughter
The holding hands down the street
The little messages that are incredibly sweet
Just to have those things once in a lifetime
Would be the most amazing treat...

I've had the love that's messed up
I've had the love that's poor
I just want the love that's stuck
Can I just have a love do-over?

I've been hurt so many times
And I can't take anymore lies
I need the honesty, trust and truth
And I want your love that's only mine
I can't take getting smacked in the face
I can't spend time looking for you all over the place
I want what's mine to keep
And to feel comfortable sharing the same space...

I crave what lasts forever
I'd desire everything that you treasure
Just being a wife and a mother
Would be my pleasure
Just to be the love of your life
Your first and last wife
Nothing else would even matter
After our first married night...

Because I've had the love that's messed up
And I've had the love that's poor
But I just want the love that's stuck
So can I please have a love do-over?...

My Forever Forever

I know you love me
I know you'll love me forever
I know you'll rescue me
And we'll be together forever

We've never been introduced before
But I can't wait to meet you
I know everything about you, to the core
You'll never make me look like a fool
I'm in love with those eyes
And I love holding your hand
I can just stare all day at your smile
And I'm your biggest fan
I love how you hug me tight
I love how you always call me beautiful
I'm in love with falling asleep beside you every night
And you make my life so full
Those endless moments we laugh
And just the thought of those lips
During those intimate moments we have
Of innocent moments of love when we kiss
Just to feel wrapped up in your protection
Regardless of the circumstance
With no objection
Draws me even closer into your romance
My heart desires all of it now
And I can't wait to be with you
But somehow
I don't yet know you...

But I know you'll love me
And I know you'll love me forever
And I know when you rescue me
We will be together forever.

Broken Heart

In the late night hours
On a warm rainy day
When I've had a rough day
And I just need a laugh
When my brain is overwhelmed
And when my heart aches
When I just want to lay in the bed
I think about why you didn't stay

On the days that I smile
When my day is going perfectly
When nothing else matters
I see your face
When I'm on my run
Or when I take a picture
Every time I get ready to send a text
I think about why you didn't stay

Why did I have to fall for you?
Why did you choose to invade my life?
You have me looking like a fool
And crying out why

Why did I ever look into those eyes?
Why did we have this amazing spark?
I fell for all of those lies
And now I'm left with a broken heart...

When I'm surfing the internet
When I'm eating my food
When I'm drinking my beer
I still see you
When I think about going camping
When I take a ride to the lake
I suddenly begin to smile
And then my heart breaks

Because I fell for you
And I let you come into my life
Now you have me looking like a fool
And crying out why

I just had to gaze into those eyes
And we had this incredible spark
I fell for every single lie
And now I'm left here with a broken heart...

Trying to move forward has been so hard
Because you're always on my mind
Just when I think I've moved on
I rewind the hands of time
I've never missed somebody so much
I've never before fallen so hard
This feeling is incredibly insane
You completely stole my heart

Now, I feel nothing but pain
Because of all of the lies I told myself
Like you'd be around forever, even through the rain
And I could finally take my heart off the shelf
But it never works out
Love never works out for me
I wish you would've stayed longer, I wish you would've stuck around
But like the others, all you did was leave

Oh why did I fall for you?
And let you come into my life
I'm feeling like a fool
And crying out why

But when I gazed into those eyes
We had this everlasting spark
And I fell for all of the those lies
And now I'm left alone, with a broken heart...

Feelings In The Storm

Man I thought having you an hour away was hard
But this week has been hardest of all
Sporadic texts and calls
Just frustrate me...and then the tears begin to fall
And as much as I want to reach out, I stall
Because I love you but I'm mad at you for nothing at all
And so I just withdraw
Just so you don't hear me bawl

Everything was going just right
Nobody else distracted my sight
You were nothing less than my protective knight
And I was feeling as high as a kite
Now everything's falling apart, nothing is tight
My heart is falling like a crashing flight
And my despair has me ready to fight
Because I'm just left of the memories of our loving nights

But you've decided to shut down on me
And I know that's how you deal with things
But I'm feeling like a millionaire among thieves
But I'm human too and I have feelings and needs
I just wish you would believe
That I would never hurt you or choose to deceive
The intimacy we've built so steep
What else do I have to do for you to trust me?

Up until this point, you've been amazing
The first person who has sent my heart racing
Baby, no matter what you're facing
I want to be the one supporting you in the ring
Can't you see this isn't just some fling?
I hate having the thought that you're somewhere struggling
Because it's got me at home worrying
And all I want to be is near you, loving...

Anyway, I just want you to realize and see
That you don't have to be alone in this thing
I'm not the kind that gets scared and flees
But I love even harder when the shit is cloudy
I hate feeling the way I've felt this week
And my stomach and heart have been so weak
Really all I wish to seek
Is my KGM back here with me...

Your Pain is My Pain

It's crazy how things change
Your life is rearranged
At the blink of an eye
With no explanation as to why
Stuff just turned upside down
And suddenly nobody seems around
Everything just seems so jacked up
And all that is left is a memory of what was once us...

Dame all of this crap!
Damn feeling like you're trapped!
Forget what feels like a scary dream
As we take a minute just to scream
Ahhhhh!!!!  Whyyyyy!!!! Why now!!!?
I was doing good, but still ended up here somehow
Can't I just live in peace?
Without dealing with this baggage following me?...

I'm done with my head hanging low
I'm done with this depression trying to grow
I'm giving it all to you, Father
Because You are the Finisher and the Starter
My heart is pained and my mind is blown
And I've realized I an't do this alone
God, you have to take over for this guy
So that we can truly experience this life...

Romans 8: 1-2  1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not work according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

The Leaving Possibility

Was this too good to be true?
I was hoping for forever
Now the thoughts that you might move
Have my heart so unsure.
Man, the tears are running down my face
Because I can't imagine what it will be like
Not having you in the same place
And living on the other side.

You are so perfect
Why do you have to be so perfect for me?
I'm so thankful that we met
And I want the best for you, but couldn't stand to see you leave.
Deep down I want you to choose me
But on the surface, I know what you need to do
But if I had to make a plea
I'd beg you to choose me too!

I can't stand this feeling inside
My heart is in so much pain
Why can't we just have more time?
I'd do anything to make sure our love is sustained.
I'm in such agony, can't you tell from the look on my face
Because I don't want to know what it's like
Not having you an hour from my place
And possibly not having you in my life.

Baby...please..don't go!
Because I really don't want to know
What it would be like for our love not to grow.

Phases of Not Loving Me

I loved you
And then I loved you
I gave you my love back
And then you turned your back
I never thought it would hurt like this
I never thought I would care
It seems I keep loving the wrong people
Oh God, it just doesn't seem fair
Man I wish I could turn back the hands of time
And correct what seems so wrong
I would've avoided the day I met you
Which led me to this song...

Now I have these tears of fire
Burning lines down my face
God knows I'm so tired
Of loving people in phases
I've dated the cheater
Married the addict
Had run ins with a beater
And my heart is still in it to win it
I would love to turn back the hands of time
And erase all the men who were wrong
Then maybe I would've avoided you
Who's got me singing this song...

Then there was that bright sunny day
When I saw you for the first time
For the first time I had no words to say
I just knew one day you'd be mine
And I gave you my heart on a silver plate
Just like every other bad memory
And you stole my heart and had your cake
Damn, how could you do that to me?
If I could rush back the hands of time
I maybe would've seen it all along
That nothing was different about you
And maybe I would've avoided singing this song...

Trust Fall

I loved good once
At least I thought I was living
I thought I was in love
Until I noticed his heart was disappearing
I invested my life
And got nothing in return
Now I just don't trust anyone
So I don't have to worry about getting burned
Some say that's playing it safe
But I'd rather spend my nights balling
Than to take a chance on trusting again
Just to end up falling

But I met a man
At first I wasn't sure if he was my type
But the more we conversed
The more things about him I began to like
I can be myself around him
I can truly just be me
It's a joy I can barely describe
With him I just feel free
We can laugh together
I can share my successes and dreams
And every time he calls
My smile just widens and beams

I love so many things about him
There're so many to describe
Like the way he gives great hugs
And the way I catch him staring at me with those eyes
The way we laugh together
Making me feel like we've known each other forever
And the way he can respond so quickly
When I give a smart remark that I thought was clever
The way his amazing voice sings to me
Or when I'm with him, how he makes me feel protected
Complimenting me, grabbing my hand
Those things that would never make me feel rejected

He's just an amazing man
I don't even remember what it was like before
But I continue to struggle internally
Despite all of these things about him I adore
It's the infinite struggle within
That brings pain to my heart
Because I just want to love again
But opening myself up to trust again is hard
Is it worth stepping out on a limb?
Is it worth trying to give him my all?
Not knowing if it will work out
That's the trust fall...

It's Complicated...Or Is It?

It's complicated
Or is it?
You tell me now
Because I don't know how to take it
Man, I once loved you to death
But now death is what's got us apart
My love is suddenly dead
For the man that once had my heart
I guess you never know what you've got til it's gone
I should've realized that when
I was the most true to you
And all you kept doing was doing me wrong
I'm not upset, although I was hit by a train
Felt like I was dying inside
All I desired to do was love you
And all you did was crush me with a crane
But I'm not bitter, I'm glad I went through the heat
It was hard, but I came out on top
The tragedy you put me through
Truly helped me to discover me
I've never felt so free
I've never felt so liberated
Clearly, our marriage
Was 100% overrated
No dis intended
I just know who I was meant to be
And loving myself first
Is definitely the key
So when I think of our life together
And all of the time I wasted
I think it's just complicated
But...really is it?